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Ouch. September 22, 2010

Posted by Ms. Art in Darndest Things.
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My second graders are doing an art criticism activity, in which they compare & contrast their own patterned self-portrait collages with work by artist Miriam Schapiro.  Observe:

My Student Teacher: *pins up a kid’s work*

Joshua: “Gah!  Upside down!”

MST: “Oh!  I’m sorry!  That’s better.  Okay, so can anyone point out some differences you see between Joshua’s artwork and Miriam Schapiro’s?”

Emiyah: “Um…with Miriam Schapiro’s work, you could tell if it was upside down and with Joshua’s work…you can’t?”

I think the bromance between James and the friend he’s had over every day this week might finally be wearing thin. July 15, 2010

Posted by Ms. Art in Darndest Things.
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Braden, angrily: “UGH.  You’re just SAYING that to be NICE to me.”

Especially before the age of eight. January 12, 2010

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Taylor: *sniffling over a Tragic Art Mistake while I stand by, offering what are, in my opinion, totally reasonable and helpful suggestions*

Zachary: Oh, Ms. Art, I know, girls are so sensitive.

Self: *raised eyebrows*

Zachary: Believe me.  I know.

Marine Biology For Poets August 14, 2009

Posted by Ms. Art in Darndest Things.
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Morgan: “Ms. Art!  Do dolphins swim in the deep and salty sea?”

Dang Whippersnappers, Don’t Know How Good They’ve Got It, Etc. August 14, 2009

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Khalen: “Ms. Art.  Did you watch ‘America’s Got Talent’?”

Self: “Nope!  Do you know I don’t even HAVE a TV?”

Khalen and every other kid within hearing range: *dead of shock*

Khalen: “But you have a TV in here!  Why do you watch TV here?”

Self: “I don’t watch it here either.  I use it to show you guys art on the computer, though, remember?”

Caleb: “Yeah!  And do it got a DVD player?!”

Self: “Mmm, no.  A VCR, I think.”

Caleb: “What’s a VCR?”

Self: *has old-lady-type thoughts, shakes cane*.

Maybe we invest in some playing cards or something. June 19, 2009

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Not from a student, because it’s mid-June and all, but I think it belongs here anyway.

The things James apparently thinks about when forced to turn the TV off and incapable of coming up with anything else interesting to do:

James: Ha.  Aphrodite.

Self, not talking about or thinking about Greek mythology in any way: Uh, what?

James: Aphrodite, ha.  It sounds like a hair disease.  You know, like a wig…that’s sick…

Self: Ohhh.  Yeah.  It would be even grosser if it were Afroditis.

James:  Ha!  Yeah!  Wait, why?

Self: *explain explain explain*

James: Ewww!  Afroditis!

This could actually be a useful classroom management tool, right? February 7, 2009

Posted by Ms. Art in Darndest Things.
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I was watching Adam put this incredibly meticulous row of glue dots along the edge of his paper.  I was a little mesmerized by how absolutely precise he was being, but then when he reached the top and turned the corner his sleeve touched his glue, leaving a perfect row of dots down his arm.  I stopped him and pushed his sleeve up and was set to move on when he lamented, “Not my SLEEVE!  My sleeve is the MOST IMPORTANT PART because it lets me PUNCH!”

I shook my head and smiled, but he wasn’t done.  “Sometimes I have to bite it!  Because it’s not paying attention!”

“Your sleeve?!”

“Yes!  My arm!  I say, ‘Pay attention, you!’ and I bite it!”

“And then it pays attention?”

“And then I bite it again!”

How to fail at teaching tolerance November 21, 2008

Posted by Ms. Art in Darndest Things, Perplexing Miscellany.
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Kareem [re: Robert, a fourth-grader, who was a touch wound-up and running around headbutting people outside]: “Uh, Ms. Art.  Is he…special?”

Self, drily: “Evvverybody’s special, Kareem.  I’m special, you’re special, (your teacher) is special, (the principal) is special…”

Kareem, oblivious to subtlety: “No, I mean like…special. Like, can’t talk, picking through the garbage cans…”

Self: “Wait, garbage cans?!”

Kareem: “Never mind.”

Let me reword that just a little before I write it on the board November 13, 2008

Posted by Ms. Art in Darndest Things.
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Second-graders brianstorming about things their families like to do, or things that are unique about their families:

Spencer: “My family likes to travel and go on a lot of vacations!”

Diamond: “My family likes to…you know…sleep around a lot, too.”

He’d be in more trouble if I thought he knew what it meant. September 25, 2008

Posted by Ms. Art in Darndest Things, General Chaos.
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Scene: The never-fails-to-amuse car-rider loop.

Wesley: Freak!

Tariq: Nine-year-old VIRGIN!

Self: (Wha?)

Wesley: TEN-year-old virgin!

Tariq: INFINITY-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN!

Self: *Steps in.*